Radical Torah

And God made for them coats of skin… and they got infected.

At the end of the Torah portion which we read on Shvi’i shel Pesach, the account of crossing the sea and singing the highest praises to HaShem, we arrived at a place called Marah and began the cycle which would characterize the next forty years in the desert, we stared kvetching. But unlike most of our forty year adolescence in the desert this time God didn’t respond with a “Why you little…” and whack us for our lack of faith, rather God gives us Shabbos and promises to not hurt us the way he smote Egypt. “And all the afflictions which I placed upon Egypt I won’t place upon you for I am HaShem your Healer” “Ani YHVH Rofecha” Now that last phrase, Ani HaShem Rofecha has as it’s anagram, Aleph Yod Resh, which spells Iyar, the month we are about to enter. The synergy is fantastic: Three days after Kriat Yam Suf (the splitting of the Sea) we experience Shabbos for the first time, and get introduced to Iyar. This year, just like in the Torah, the 10th of Nissan was on Shabbos, which put Pesach on Wednesday night and Shvi’i shel Pesach on Tuesday night. Three days later was Shabbos Mevarchim for Chodesh Iyar in which we begin to prepare ourselves for the upcoming month.

Now that’s all great, but what does that have to do with Ani HaShem Rofecha on the pshat level of God playing doctor? Well, just as we finish up with Nissan and begin Iyar, this Shabbos-Rosh Chodesh we happen to be reading a Parsha all about a horrible disease known as Tzara’at which is mysteriously contracted through Lashon Hara. So now Ani HaShem Rofecha starts to come into focus a little more. We’re entering a month in which God will play the role of healer and we’re reading in the Torah about a particular sickness, its diagnosis and the process of treatment. So somehow the transition into Iyar brings up the need for all of us to examine the details of a long lost disease called Tzara’at, which only the Kohanim had the power to diagnose and treat, and which is closely related to Lashon Hara. So what is it about moving from Nissan to Iyar that makes this so prevalent right now?

Aside from the most obvious transition from Bein Hazmanim back to Seder (the end of Spring break) this transition also marks a significant change in our Davening. It’s been a month since we last said Tachanun or did an official vidui (confessional prayer). The month of Nissan, it’s very name meaning miraculous, unlike Tishrei, it’s calendrical opposite, is not a time for penitence and Tshuvah, but rather a time for feasting and celebration, in which we don’t say Tachanun even once. Thus the return to the old chest thumping routine of normal time might therefore come as a shock to our Chag softened psyches. Iyar however presents and entirely different paradigm of vidui than the old guilt trip we’re all so used to.

The issue with Vidui is that most of us don’t really want to deal with all of our shortcomings and failures. Being that we don’t want to dwell on them we generally just rush through Tachanun, quickly rambling off a whole list of things we’re supposed to be confessing for and rarely take the time for true introspection as to why we don’t live up to our own conscience. Alternatively we take the time in Tachanun to mercilessly beat ourselves, expressing our own frustration and anger with ourselves and thereby further entrenching our own feelings of guilt through expressing our perceived helplessness and trying to incur God’s pity, all the while cowering from his presence. Needless to say neither of these is healthy, in fact both seem to be simply speaking Lashon Hara about ourselves, and neither makes space for God to be our healer.

Parshat Tazria, presents an entirely different view on what vidui is meant to be. Aside from a brief introduction dealing with the Torah’s equivalent of maternity leave and a passing mention of circumcision, the parsha elaborately details several types of wounds that in the process of healing have developed some sort of discoloration or infectious symptoms. The patient must then approach a Kohen who will examine the wound and upon his findings determine the wound to be either pure (Tzara’at free) impure (Tzara’at) or in need of further testing. What does this have to do with vidui? The Mei Hashiloach makes a brief statement which totally transforms the way we read this Parsha. He says “Kohen stam Hakodesh Baruch Hu”. When the Torah says simply Kohen, as in “Show the wound to the Kohen”, it means HaShem. Now this sounds like a kind of vidui that could be a meaningful ritual. Tachanun is our daily appointment with Doctor God in which we can detail all of our painful symptoms and thereby be truly healed. So now let’s look at some of the details of Tzara’at.

Tzara’at develops on wounds as they heal, open wounds, scrapes, blisters, burns and more. The three symptoms which determine an infection to be Tzara’at are spreading beyond the wounded area, 2) an infection which appears deeper than the skin and one in which a new layer of skin is forming above a clearly discolored and infected area. If the Kohen sees any of these signs the wound is determined to Be Tzara’at from that point on. If he does not find any of these symptoms, only a white discoloration than the wound is pure, and the patient may freely heal without need for further examination, quarantine or elaborate purification rituals.

Strangely, the existence of Tzara’at is determined exclusively by the pronouncement of the Kohen such that the status of impurity takes effect only at the time of diagnosis, not at the appearance of the wound or infection. This seems to indicate that whether or not we have Tzara’at depends not so much on the wound itself but on the moment we show it to the Kohen/HaShem; that is, the moment of vidui. Thus said, the symptoms of Tzara’at can be understood as incorrect forms of vidui which rather than facilitating true Tshuvah only further entrench the pain and guilt, which then require more extensive treatment. However, this Halachic anomaly of impurity by declaration rather than instance also indicates that any spiritual wound or abrasion, if vidui is done properly, can be pronounced as pure.

It is a known thing that the Yetzer Hara and therefore our “sins” are essentially expressions of internalized pain. As The Chidushei RIM (the first Rebbe of Ger, and a close friend of both the Kotzker and Izhbitzer Rebbes) puts it, the Yetzer Hara is the force within existence that apposes the existence of anything other than the Infinite. Rebbe Nachman describes it in one place as the negative thoughts we have about creation and specifically about ourselves. Both of thee descriptions sound a great deal like the kind of self hatred that often surfaces in vidui. We begin to look at ourselves in a bad light, indicting ourselves far more than is necessary or true. We allow that pain of life which was manifest in one mistake to spread such that we get into “I can’t do anything right” and “nothing I’ve ever done…” and the like, such that “infection” spreads to uninfected areas by means of our Lashon Hara.

Another form of Tzara’at is when the wound is seen as being deeper than the skin. This instance too is one in which we take our mistakes, failings and shortcomings in life and blow them out of proportion. All too often we interpret our feelings of remorse and regret over particular actions as internalized guilt, making negative value judgments about ourselves as people rather than taking responsibility for our actions. Responsibility quite simply means the ability to respond. In the context of any relationship, that means upholding our commitments to that person and remaining present and in communication with them, even when we fail to do so. The same holds true in our relationship with HaShem. When we over interperet our sins and thereby make value judgments about ourselves we’re essentially saying to HaShem I can’t do it, which more often than not simply isn’t true. By slandering ourselves before HaShem we effectively deny ourselves the capability of living according to our commitments and crush our response-ability, again requiring much more serious treatment than a simple mistake in action. This is Tzara’at.

The third Tzara’at indicator is perhaps the most devious. The pasuk (13:14-15) states: “If on the day that he shows it there is living flesh, it is impure. And the Kohen shall see the living flesh and declare him impure, the living flesh is impure, it’s Tzara’at.” Now why should this be the case, it’s good to heal from our wounds isn’t it? Why is a scab developing over an abrasion impure? Rebbe Moshe Elyakum Bar’iyah of Kozhnitz explains it as follows. “One who presents himself s having achieved completion – living flesh – is in truth only impure”. Pretending it doesn’t hurt doesn’t help one bit, and avoiding God’s presence it only makes the pain we’re repressing worse. Pretending not to be hurting only further alienates from God and ourselves and is therefore Tamey.

Having the courage to look at and share our deepest wounds is tremendously difficult. It requires the utmost faith in God’s eternal love for us and his commitment never to abandon us. Opening to God’s love in the places of great pain is precisely what we humans have been called on to do since we hid from God’s presence he asked Adam “Ayecha”, “Where are you?” after eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden. So powerful is the statement of Ani Hashem Rofecha that it defines us Jews as different from Esau, Haman and Amalek by providing a loving context for our response to God’s question of “HaMeeN ha’etz…“did you eat from the tree which I told you not to eat from”. The internalized guilt, self hatred and fear are so powerful inside of Haman-Amalek that their terror at the prospect of facing God drives them to exterminate the Jewish people. It’s no surprise that Amalek attacks us right after our experience at Marah, (and the first appearance of Omer in the Torah…) (See Shmot 15:22-17:15) This “living flesh” of Amalek is Tzara’at at its absolute worst. But it doesn’t have to go that way.

The very next clause in the Parsha (13:16-17) declares that “if the living flesh recedes and has turned white he shall come to the Kohen. And the Kohen shall see it and the wound shall have turned white, and the Kohen shall pronounce the wound pure and he shall be pure”. It’s never too late to turn to God with simplicity, honesty and love. By remaining present to God’s love for us even in the face of our sins and consciously showing God our pain we can avoid Tzara’at all together, and by opening ourselves to God’s healing gaze as individuals, a people and a planet all our wounds can be seen to be purely white, all an expression of God’s great love for us and an opportunity to fulfill his will for us to grow towards him.

May we all have a blessed Iyar and Sfirat HaOmer filled with Tahor, loving vidui in which HaShem truly reveals herself as Our Healer, and may we open our hearts to God and to each other to live together in God’s holy healing loving presence. Amen.